The Humiliation Of The Bell

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT complaining about my journeys with the District Governor. But I HONESTLY think that her biological clock is STILL TICKING. How else could you possibly explain these pictures she took of me.  I consider myself lucky that I didn't end up in a cradle, wrapped in bell-diapers.

In this photo, the District Governor has me propped up in her favorite "baby arm chair".  She kept coo-ing at me, asking me to smile.

HELLO?

I am a bell!  I don't have a mouth!  I have a handle and a rim, and some other parts (see my previous post on the Anatomy of a Bell).

And then, as if being propped up in a plastic kiddie chair wasn't humiliating enough, I was asked if I wanted to "ride the bikey?".  

Actually, it wasn't that bad until they decided to roll me down a hill.  This thing has no seat belts, and I got a severe case of grass-rash.

I'm still not complaining much.  It beat the heck out of being put on horseback and being asked if "you wanna play Rodeo Star?" when I was hiding in Dustin's hay loft.

And just when you think it can't get any worse, it does!  Yes, I was put into the back of a dump truck!

Its moments like these that make me wish I'd have stayed in the storage room at Oak Ridge Winery.  At least in there, OTHER THINGS (like bottles of wine) were being loaded into backs of trucks!

But as the saying goes, I tried very hard to "keep my eye on the prize" (my trip to Vegas)!  So I figured I had to "break a few eggs" if I wanted to make a Vegas Omelette.

So here I am on the grass, after falling off the little "Big Wheel".  I survived with just a few minor grass stains.  Nothing to prevent me from enjoying Vegas, and returning to the club in one piece.

Before I sign off for the day, I also want to share ONE MORE PICTURE with you.  That picture disturbs me in ways I haven't even figured out yet.  I'm not sure WHY this picture was taken.

It is an endorsement of socialized medicine?

Does it represent a threat of deportation?

Does it imply that I love hockey?

I honestly don't know, but it did make me think about some very funny things I've heard about our neighbors to the north.

Dingy's list of things you can only find in CANADA:

You can get a Pizza faster than you can get an ambulance

There are parking spots for the physically impaired in front of skating rinks

Healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front of a store, while sick people have to go all the way to the back to pick up their medications

Drive up ATM machines that have keypads in Braille (think about it)

The local paper has 6 pages of hockey coverage and 1 page of world headlines

People use the trunk of their car as a freezer in winter

People who know what "LaBatts" is

President Dustin Doesn't Have A Clue

I've gotta admit, President Dustin isn't very bright.  I don't think he is even CLOSE to figuring out where I am, or where I have been!  Heck, half the time I don't know where I am!

But I did manage to stow away in District Governor Susan Drake's satchel without her knowledge, and was able to visit a few of the other Bells in our District.  But I have to be honest.. riding around in that satchel wasn't much fun.  I barely fit in there, and I can't believe Susan didn't see my handle hanging out.

And apparently Susan likes to discard her chewing gum and sunflower seeds into her satchel.  It made for a pretty sticky situation, but I managed to survive it.  I lived off the sunflower seed husks for about three days, and didn't see much sunlight.

One of the highlights of my "Bell Tour" was finally getting to meet another Rotary Bell!  Her name is "Ditzy da Bell" and she was sweet and petite.  As a matter of fact, I was kind of taken aback by the fact that she is SO SMALL (compared to me) for a club that is SO LARGE (compared to ours)!  That's her on the left! 

She loved the fact that I'm such a big, strapping bell!  And she loved my baratone resonance (and I loved her alto ring)!  We showed each other our scars brought on by the many times we have been struck by our Presidents.  Mine are most impressive!


We spent an entire meeting getting to know one another while almost a hundred Rotarians went about their meeting.  Despite the large crowd, we did get to know each other pretty well.  I showed her all of my Bell Tatoo's and she loved them. As you can see from the photo, that was me alright!  What other bell would have Tatoo's that say "Garry Duncan" and "Phil Felde"?!  I even showed her my "Tom McCauley" bell-too, but for some reason ... that kinda turned her off.  When I showed her my "Bob Gross" inscription, she asked .. "Is he still alive?".

I also got to take a picture with a very tall, cool drink of water.  She would make an excellent "Trophy wife".  I was hesitant to post a picture of her, mainly because she ALSO has tatoo's that could reveal which club I visited (to the informed reader).  But what the hay, I'm long gone from there now.  So here is a picture of me and my future "Trophy wife".

If President Dustin were smart, he'd figure out where I was and contact that club's President.  He MIGHT just get on the trail towards finding me - or at the very least, chastize his peer for not snatching me from the clutches of Governor Susan, and not returning me to the club!  Thank god for that!

Well, I really need to get going.  I'm now with one of our club members, preparing for an exciting trip to Las Vegas!  Hopefully I'll get to hang out with Lola again, and get a couple of new tatoo's!  I'll try to post again before I leave.  In the meantime, have a great week!

Yours in Rotary,

Dingy da Bell!