Living La Vida Vino

So as the official bell of a Rotary Club in Lodi, California - best known for its wine grapes and wineries, and the Creedence song "Stuck In Lodi" - I feel obligated to get out from time to time and sample some of the local Vino.

So on Sunday November 14th I found myself the feature attraction in the tasting room at Macchia Winery.  What a joy to spend the day surrounded by tall, slender, alcohol filled ... um ... bottles (not to mention the gals working the tasting room).  If you look closely, you'll know why I insisted on planting my brass on the tasting room bar.

I was fortunate to spend the day in the company of great wine, beautiful women, drunken patrons, and a band that performed some of the best classic rock I have heard in a long time.  Journey, Kansas, The Cars, The Eagles and much more.  I felt like I was back in the 70's when part of me was working as a "door knocker".

I want you all to know that I have CONSIDERED returning to the club many times over the past months, but then I heard the horror stories of President Steve using an airhorn to begin and end meetings and - to be quite honest - I would feel bad coming back right now because at least NOW Bob Gross knows when the meetings are starting (i.e. time for a nap) and ending (i.e. time to wake up).

I hope all of you have fun cleaning the highway.  If you find a partially filled bottle of Brasso by any chance, please save it for me.  I'm sure I'll need a good buffing once I return.

Yours in Rotary,
Dingy Da Bell

Da Bell, Debauchery

Having just come off a "bender" with "Calamity Jane", I thought I was going to avoid the party atmosphere of Vegas and just spend some quiet time in my room watching TV, pay-per-view, or the Adult Channel.  Everything was going great.. I was kicking back in bed with my favorite adult beverage, watching the Adult Channel and minding my own business.  Things were totally in-control until my host and his lovely wife wanted the room to themselves for awhile, so I was left to fend for myself.


So feeling a little tipsy, I found my way down to the casino (hopped a ride on a room service cart) and was fortunate enough to meet a couple of celebrities, and two girls wearing sparkly red outfits.

Have I told you how much I like the color red?  And ... isn't Elvis dead?

After some small talk, and a lot of gawking (thanks, Dolly!) I made my way to the slot machines!  There I won a brass-load of money playing the progressive slot.  I can tell you .. when I hit that jackpot ... well, this bell hasn't heard THAT many BELLS ring since that bell-orgy in Budapest just after my casting.  But I digress... Here I am posing with the very slot machine that made me the richest bell on the strip!

I managed to hop back on a room service cart for a trip back up to my floor, and when I entered the elevator I was accosted by two Casino security personnel.  They demanded to see what was on my camera.  Upon seeing the picture of me with a slot machine, they then demanded that I delete the photo.  I guess they have some sensitivity to people taking photos on the casino floor.

Obviously, after much sweet talking - and explaining that I was a ROTARY BELL (Apparently they first thought I was affiliated with the Lions Club) .. they let me keep the picture!  So now I am able to share!

I made it safely back to the room, where my host and his wife were still going at it.  I waited outside in the hall until morning, when my hosts graciously brought me back into the room with their USA Today.

Don't know what tonight has in store (Saturday).  Will report back tomorrow, if I'm still ring-able.

Yours in Rotary,
Dingy

All I Can Say Is ... Yeeee, Hawwww!!!!

Well my fellow Rotarians.  I'd like to say I miss you all, but that wouldn't be quite true.  Ever since being snatched by one of you at this year's kickout dinner, I have been living a rather mundane life stuffed away in someone's closet.

But, alas .. I've busted loose..... and when I say "Busted", I mean that literally. 

The other morning I woke up in a hay loft, not quite sure how I got there.  I had a "ringing" in my ears, and really couldn't remember much about what happened the previous night.... until now.

Apparently there were three of us at last night's party .. me (the bell), Miss Kitty (name has been changed to protect the not-so-innocent), and some sort of buffalo.

Fortunately, I recovered nicely.  I attribute that to the quality of my brass.

This weekend I am off to the Bay Area for an adventure with one of our fellow Lodi Sunrise Rotarians.

From what I hear, there may be some other kind of bell ringing going on in our room (a.k.a. "Boot Knocking") so hopefully I won't have to endure anything primal.

Then the weekend after I am supposed to be going up to the high country.  We'll see!  In the meantime, I hope you are enjoying my cousin .. the airhorn!

Yours in Rotary,
Dingy Da Bell!

Just In Time For Christmas

I arose on Friday to find myself in yet another location, in the posession of yet another Lodi Sunrise Rotarian.

Yes, I was still in a very dark and cramped space, but I found plenty of FRANKLIN's to keep me company!  All this money, and just in time for Christmas (am I allowed to call it "Christmas"?).

I must admit that never in my short life as a brass bell, have I ever been around this much money.  It makes me want to grab a few bundles and head back to Vegas for the fun I never had with the "alarm guy".

I am hoping to have a few more adventures before someone gets the bright idea to return me to President Dustin.  It's only DECEMBER!!

Perhaps I'll get to see the Parade of Lights, or gamble my brass away at Jackson Rancheria, or maybe I'll get to ride with Santa on the City of Lodi Fire Truck!

There are so many things I can do, but so little time.  I need your help!  Email me!

Yours in Rotary,
Dingy

Tattoo You (Me)

So I did it!  I finally did it!  I got FIVE new tattoo's!  The first one reads "05-06 Tracy Dockery" in memory of our dearly departed Past President.  And while I was at it, I also added a few other Past President's names to my (br)ass ... Mike Sinclair, Chuck Higgs and Ralph Cesena Jr.  Then I figured .. while I was at it .. I may as well put current President Dustin's name on my (br)ass as well, so I did!

I now think I have more "Tats" than Kat Von D (see image, right) ... don't stare at that pic too long Bob .. you might hurt yourself.

It's been about five years since my last Tattoo so this time, I asked a lot of questions.  My "artist" shared some important information with me about how NOT to mess up my "Tats" including:

Avoid Sunlight
Yes, apparently extended exposure to sunlight is bad for a "Tat".  Fortunately that isn't an issue, because I've spent the better part of the last two months in a DARK FRIGGIN CLOSET, apparently not allowed to see the light of day!

Avoid Salt Water, Chlorine, Dust and Dirt
Apparently my current "keeper" forgot about the "Dust and Dirt" part (as you will find out in tomorrow's posting).  As for Salt Water ... I can't remember the last time I saw the ocean.  As for Chlorine ... I think I was bleached once when Past President Chuck forgot to take me out of his pants pocket before doing his laundry.

Avoid Sauna's and Steam Rooms

These are two of the WORST places one can go after getting a tattoo.  Until healing is complete, these rooms can cause blurring if not careful.  Judging by the pics of my "Tats", it may be too late for this advice.  I'm more than happy to heed this advice, since seeing Bradley in a Steam Room isn't on my list of "10 things to do before I'm melted down".


One of the biggest questions I've been asked about my new "Tats" is ... "Did it hurt?".  After all, the outer layer of my brass is being carved off of me using an engraving needle.  It is very difficult to explain just how much it hurts.  Imagine for a moment, getting "Sho Shu'd" in the head by President Dustin's left foot.  That's pretty much how it feels.  I have heard that "getting drunk" makes it less painful (for both Tatto's and getting kicked in the head) - but my plans to go to Vegas, get drunk and tatto'd were ruined by my current keeper after he BROKE ME!  But I digress...


There are positives and negatives to being "Tatted".  On the plus side, I look like a Badass Bell!  On the minus side, it brings back memories of other tatto's I've seen in the past (and never really talked about) like the one under Past President Mike's kilt .. and the one of a "Stripper's Pole" on the left "cheek" of Past President Chuck.  That's enough for now .. more tomorrow!

For Whom The Bell DIDN'T Toll

Well ... I'm finally out of the Hospital and recovered. As I lamented in my previous post, I was BROKEN by that guy in our club (I won't mention his name, but he works for an alarm company) while drag racing his HHR against a Corvette!

But unlike Humpty Dumpty, the staff at Lodi Memorial (and perhaps Ray's Brazing Service) were able to put me back together again. Good thing the club made that donation to Lodi Memorial last year ...

Thanks to all ONE of you that sent me flowers, cards and well wishes. I WAS going to come back to the club, but I think now I'll extend my vacation a bit to recover from my wounds.

The Liberty Bell 'Aint Got Nothin' On Me

So much to tell you all, so little time. I have been Missing In Action for quite some time, stuffed in a dark box with no hint as to where I have been or where I am. It wasn't until I found a cell phone today that I was able to communicate with someone and find out the awful truth.

But first, a bit of history. On February 26, 1846 the Liberty Bell rang for the last time in honor of George Washington's birthday. On that date, the bell cracked for the last time, rendering it un-ringable.

A similar fate has befallen me, the bell of Lodi Sunrise Rotary Club.  Yes, my health and well being was entrusted to a member of the club for the purpose of taking me to Las Vegas to ring wildly knowing that "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas".  Instead, my caretaker BROKE ME!  That's what I said .. I've been BROKEN and I can't be rung!

Yes, my careless handler broke my Rotary Emblem  off while hot-rodding his company car around Lodi and rolling me around in the back of his car!

He thought he was real slick when he pulled up next to that Corvette, challenging it to a road race.  You'd think he would know better than to race an HHR against a Corvette.  But he didn't, and now I'm a broken bell because of it.  I can only hope that it costs him a LOT of money to fix me.  When my repairs are completed, he MAY wish that President Obama had extended free healthcare to bells.

The worst part of the whole thing is ... he tried to cover it up.  Just check out the email he sent me trying to explain where I am and what is going on.  What .. does he think I wasn't there?  Does he think I don't remember (now that he's reminded me).  And how was I supposed to "respond" to his email lying in the back of some warehouse without my Blackberry?  And to top it all off, he actually has the nerve to blame District Governor Susan!!

 

Dear, Dingy

Since you had not responded, I went ahead and sent the picture of your accident.  I do blame some of this on District Gov. Susan.  When I picked you up from her house, you kept going on and on about how much fun you had.  You kept texting me about your adventures, and all the baby toy cars she made you ride on.  As soon as you saw the little plastic Jeep at my house, you jumped out of my arms in an attempt to get into that Jeep.  Before I could grab you, you lost control and landed on the pavement with a CRASH!  Do you remember the ambulance ride? Surgery? anything at all?

Your Doctor said you can start traveling again next week.  I am sad you were not in Vegas with me, but I am glad you are ok.  As you travel, please be more careful.  President Dustin is going to start pounding on you when you return to the meetings. I suggest you start some type of exercise regiment to build up your strength.

 

The NERVE of this guy!! He must be a liberal because he pretty much blames everyone but himself for this tragedy!!  On top of that, why would I WANT to jump into that Jeep?  Didn't he READ MY PREVIOUS POST where I lamented having to spend time riding Governor Susan's plastic kiddie toys?

The fact of the matter is, that "crime scene" was STAGED to cover up the fact that I was broken during a drag race of an HHR versus a Corvette.

I REALLY need someone to take me on an adventure once my bell repairs are done!  I got cheated out of Vegas, and now my injury is being covered up!  I just need to get away.  EMAIL ME IF YOU HAVE SOMEPLACE INTERESTING TO TAKE ME!  the.bell.2009@gmail.com

Yours in Rotary, Dingy