It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time..

Before posting my thoughts for the day, I hear that Pastor Mark and "Reuben the cook" finally made it to a meeting last week!  I also heard we almost had breakfast burritos for lunch?

Enough of that, on to my point ... Each summer, after taking a year of Presidential abuse (in some form or another), I decide to venture out on my own.  Last year I thought I'd never get away after Past President Ralph snatched me up and put me on a leash before Chuck's kickout dinner, in a vain attempt to keep me from wandering.  But I managed to escape.  Unfortunately, I had a boring time and therefore didn't post to my blog.

Travelling again this year seemed like a good idea at the time, but I'm starting to wonder.

I guess I was hoping that this year would be different, and for the most part that wish is coming true - just not in the way I expected.  Thus far I have been on three adventures.  The first (to President Dustin's hay loft, and the Mokelumne Aqueduct) I have already posted about.  The second and third have not yet been chronicled because my accomplices .. I mean .. travel companions .. haven't sent me copies of the photos!  I DID take the club camera along, a vintage Polaroid Instamatic that Bob Gross loves so much, but found out that they don't make film for it anymore ... so, as Bob Gross learned ... one more thing that doesn't function like it used to.  So I am at the mercy of my travelling companions when it comes to taking pictures.

The second adventure was a weekend trip to the Raiders Game and then San Juan Capistrano.  My third adventure started last week when I travelled the district meeting other Rotary Bells.  Hopefully I will be able to chronicle those trips soon....

My fourth adventure is about to get underway.  I'm going to VEGAS AGAIN!!!!  Hopefully I will get to meet up with my friend Lola, who I travelled with briefly in 2007.  What a gal.  I start resonating just thinking about her.  Boy, It would be great to see her again.  She knows how to make a bell feel like its the only noise in a room.

So my traveling companion picked me up this week in preparation for our trip to Vegas, and the first thing this person does is .. DRESS ME UP in some weird costume.  Judge for yourself, but I think look like a cross between "Mister Potato Head" and a Carnie.  What do you think?  Maybe I can get work at the Grape Festival as the "winner's bell" at one of the carnival games (they ring me whenever someone wins) while all of you are pouring beer?  That might be fun.

I'm hoping my travelling partner will honor the age-old saying .... "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas".  I have a lot of plans, many of which violate the four way test in a BIG WAY.  I may not be inclined to share the whole story, but I will share some of it.  Who knows, maybe I'll get a tatoo ... hang out with some showgirls again, marry the Las Vegas Rotary Club's bell at one of the many chappels, or get up onstage with an Elvis Impersonator again!  I may even re-visit the craps tables to see if my luck has changed since 2007!

One thing I DON'T want to do again is visit the Hoover Dam.  My trip there in 2007 was traumatic!  I have to be honest .. I'm not comfortable around water ever since that trip.  I neglected to tell my travelling partner of LAST WEEK about my "Aqua-phobia" .. more on that later.

Well, it is getting "alarmingly" late in the morning and I need to pack for my trip to Vegas, get some sunscreen (Brasso), and see if I can get a makeover (polishing) so that I look my best for Lola!

Have a great weekend!

Dingy

It Aint All It's Cracked Up To Be

Well, I have been travelling the district for the past few days getting acquainted with other Rotary Bells. I must say, for the most part I found that all the Rotary Bells are pretty curvy and I was quite attracted to them. But I HAVE been put off by some of the CRUDE bell humor that has been forced upon me as of late. Some of the more heinous humor I've been subjected to includes:

Q: Why did the bull wear a bell?
A: Because his horn was broken

Q: Why did the cow wear a bell?
A: Because she doesn't have any horns.

Last Sunday I secretly visited Pastor Mark's assembly, mainly because I wondered if Pastor Mark was still alive (haven't seen him at a meeting in quite some time). Pastor Mark shared a timely story with his congregation that really struck a tone with me. It went something like this (I hope I don't mess up the story):

St. Peter is usually very busy in Heaven, so he decided it would be a good idea to just mount a bell by the Pearly Gates and next to it hang a sign that reads “For Service, Ring Bell.” After mounting the bell and hanging the sign, he hurried away to get some other things done before the good lord started checking up on him. Within a matter of a minute, he heard the "Ding" of his bell and rushed back to the gates, only to find that no one was there.

Perplexed, St. Peter went back to work only to hear the "Ding" of the bell again, so he rushed back again, only to find that no one was there.

A little annoyed, St. Peter went back to work. But another minute later, he heard the "Ding" of the bell again - and again found no one waiting at the gates.

In a rare moment of frustration, St. Peter said “Okay, that’s it!" and decided to hide by the gates so that he could discover the identify of the person who keept ringing the bell. A moment later, Bob Gross appears at the gates and rings the bell.

St. Peter jumps out and yells, “Aha! Are you the one who keeps ringing the bell?”

“Yes, that was me,” Bob said.

“Well, why do you keep ringing the bell and going away?” St.Peter asks. "It's really starting to piss me off!".

"Well", said Bob, “They keep resuscitating me"!

It made me vibrate to hear Pastor Mark tell that story. What an inspirational tale.

I have many adventures to share with you as soon as I get photographs from my accomplices - I mean - from my friends. I hope to be able to share my adventures with you all soon.

In the meantime, I'll keep updating my blog with MEANINGLESS stories, humor and gibberish in an attempt to try and keep you interested.

Yours in Rotary,
"Dingy" Da Bell

I Need To Vent

I'm depressed and I need to vent. NO, I didn't say "I need vents" (which would required a torch), I said I need TO vent!

One of my fellow Lodi Sunrise Rotarians took me to the Raider game last friday, then to San Juan Capistrano. On Monday he was supposed to drop me off at Governor Susan's office for more fun and adventure, but he never did.

I've been sitting in this dark cardboard box since Sunday, and to be honest I don't know where I am! Occasionally I hear the sounds of "Herb Alpert and his Tijuanna Brass", and get a whiff of Menudo in the morning, but other than that I have no clue where I am.

Thank goodness for this Blackberry device. I can at least send emails and surf the web, so long as my battery holds out (and its almost dead)! My emails to my "captor" have gone unanswered, and I'm stuck here.

Governor Susan is wondering where I am. She keeps texting me but I told her I can't get there all by myself. I'm a bell! I don't have thumbs, much less hands! If it weren't for Voice-to-Text technology, I wouldn't be able to even use this Blackberry!

What REALLY chaps my brass is that I COULD be travelling with Governor Susan, meeting all kinds of nice curvy bells throughout the district, and getting "buffed". But instead, I'm stuck in this box! Not only is my "captor" cutting into my fun time, he's cutting into my LOVE LIFE!

And do you know how hard it is for a single bell to get "buffed" these days?

I hope my "captor" will get me to Governor Susan soon, or at least give me to someone who CARES! I was really looking forward to getting "busy in the bellfry" this week!

Yours in Rotary,
Da Bell

Anatomy Of A Bell

A friend took me on a little drive (more to come on that) on friday, and this gave me some time to do a little reading. Did you know that according to enyclopedia Britannica, "A bell is a hollow vessel usually of metal, but sometimes of horn, wood, glass, or clay, struck near the rim by an interior clapper or exterior hammer or mallet to produce a ringing sound."???

A couple of things bothered me about that description, particularly the reference to a "clapper". Bob Gross has a "Clapper" that turns his lights on and off. But I digress...

I also learned that bells may be categorized as idiophones, instruments sounding by the vibration of resonant solid material, and more broadly as percussion instruments. I categorically deny being an Idiophone.

I also learned a lot about my own anatomy. Did you know that bells (like humans) have a shoulder, waist and lips?

But what makes me unique is my Argent, Crown, Inscription Band, Moulding Wires, Canons (kinda like having "guns" at the gym), and Inscription (the bell equivalent of a tatoo), and a Soundbow.

Wow, I feel so much more enlightened today.

Yours in Rotary,
"Dingy" Da Bell

Livin' La Vida Loca

There has been a LOT of speculation where I've been the past few weeks, and people are even being fined! But to be honest .. I just needed to get away and clear my handle. I spent most of the first two MONTHS of President Ralph's year hidden away in Cheryl Sinclair's underwear drawer. That probably wouldn't have been half bad, but there is a severe lack of "thong-age" in that drawer, so it wasn't all that exciting (unless you like going through drawers at an all female retirement home).

When I finally was allowed to see the light of day again, I was mercilessly pounded by President Ralph on a weekly basis. Sometimes it was with that damned gavel, other times with a pen or pencil, and yet other times with whatever the Prez had at his disposal (screwdriver, shoe, plastic fork, or whatever). Then he bought that dang rollaway cabinet and stuffed me into the bottom every week for that bumpy ride to-and-from the storage room at Oak Ridge Winery.

On the plus side, I did spend most of my weeks (during President Ralph's tenure) in the Wine Storage room at Oak Ridge Winery - with no supervision and not much light. All I can say about THAT experience is that the OZV Zinfandel at Oak Ridge Winery is to die for! I only hope they don't take physical inventory anytime soon.

But the last straw for me was finding out that Dustin was going to be President this year. It was bad enough having to be pounded by President Ralph .. but getting pounded by a guy that rides a rides hogs (Harley's) and horses? I'll either be getting "rung" each week by a riding crop, or the chain connected to President Dustin's wallet!

So what did I do? Well, I figured the closer I hid to my future problem .. the less likely I'd be found. so I took up refuge in President Dustin's hay loft. Its pretty comfortable there, I get some sunlight, and NO ONE has thought to look for me there!

En route to that haven, I stopped to admire the Mokelumne Aqueduct! Did you know that the Pardee Dam, which feeds the Aqueduct, was the highest dam in the world at the time it was constructed?! And did you know that the Mokelumne Aqueduct began delivering water to the East Bay area on June 23rd, 1929 - when Bob Gross was only 12 years old? (Do the math, people). That's amazing to me!

But I grew tired of living in a Straw House, so I am off for more adventure before having to come back to the club and take more abuse. I hope you don't miss me, because - to be honest - I don't miss Tom McCauley's rambling monologues all that much.

If you have a trip planned to anywhere interesting, and you'd like to TAKE ME ALONG WITH YOU, please send an email at The.Bell.2009@Gmail.com and I'll tell you where you can pick me up! I'd love to travel with you!

Yours in Rotary,

Da Bell

My Adventure in 2007

Many of you may have followed my 2007 adventure after that DISASTEROUS year with President Chippy at the helm. To re-live those moments, visit the following link:

http://www.virtuallodi.com/bell/page1.asp