The Continuing Education of The Bell

So I know that some of you have been wondering what I have been up to, and where I have gone.  
The truth of the matter is ... I have mostly been a home body.

But in my spare time, I HAVE been attending this summer school program to continue my education.  
You may not know it, but I only read at a 3rd grade level. Pat Patrick (from the other Rotary Club) says 
that this is an indicator that I'll end up in jail, or worse .... end up in an "old man's" Rotary Club!

	Hey, Bob Gross ... I'm going to  MAKE THE FONTS BIGGER SO YOU  CAN READ  ALONG! Last time we all crossed paths,  President Lyle decided that his  personal "travel goals" were  more important than leading our  club to greatness!  So he went  off to Russia! So I figured .... what the heck... if "travel" is more important to  President Lyle than making our meetings, I may as well do the  same .. and so I embarked on  my latest adventure...... Hey, Lyle ... I'm guessing you  took the slogan on the banner  in this picture literally and  decided to be a gift to the  Russians??
	So I wander off from my last  meeting, only to find out that  it was FRIGGIN' HOT outside. I needed to find some shade  to cool off, so I took refuge  under this small Redwood tree. Unfortunately for me, there  were hundreds of Bees with  the same idea.  So once I  cooled my brass off, I headed back out on the street.
	So I again find myself sweating my brass off when I come  across this cool and inviting  swimming pool! I dove right in!
	.... literally ......
	"Jen" from the WOW Science Museum would be proud of me because I learned that it is  COLDER at the BOTTOM of the DEEP end .. because the warm water rises and stays on the surface! It's SCIENCE people!
	But fear not!  All's well that  ends well  (courtesy of Michael David)!

I Hope My Trip To The Grape Festival Resonates With You

Yes, I went to the Grape Festival a couple of weeks ago.  Got to ride there in a nice White Chevrolet vehicle, with patriotic colors plastered all over it.  By the way, does anyone "remember the Alamo"?  Here are the highlights from my excursion.  I hope you enjoy them.  I got to meet Celebrities, would-be Politicians, and a few drunks.

	I started off my Grape Festival adventure with a quest to find a Hot Tub.  I was hoping there would be some hot tub bikini models to go along with the hot tub ... I was disappointed.
	Two hours later ... still no bikini models......
	Nothing replaces a "lack of bikini models" more than listening to a would-be Politician talk about him or her self.  I spent 40 minutes listening to this guy.  I have no idea what he said...... something about loud music at wineries, two tunnels, and a massage spa (I didn't miss that)....
	THE KING IS ALIVE (albeit a little weird).  He tried to smear me with Peanut Butter and Bananas...... "thank you very much".....
	I tried to get into the Tiger cage and hang out with the "big cat".  Juan caught me, and dutifully removed me from the cage.
	After a long day of plodding through the Grape Festival Grounds, I needed to find a base-massager (just like I did back in 2011). I found this pink beauty off the beaten path.  This one was SO GOOD, it got me resonating at a completely different frequency.  I sounded more like a "triangle" than a "bell".
	Refreshed from my foot massage, I headed over to our Beer Booth and put in my time slinging suds.  Yes, EVERYONE (even Dingy DaBell) has to work at the Beer Booth.
	I spent some of my time trying to solicit donations for our "Support Our Troops" can.  Unfortunately, I raised no money.  Someone pointed out to me (after the fact) that perhaps I shouldn't have sat my phat brass down on top of the donation can.........
	I think President Sabrina has been asking the WRONG ROTARIANS whether they have seen me recently........ these guys look like they have a few $100 bills to spare, between the three of them.  Remember when I said I got to hang out with some drunks????

I'm Bustin' Loose in 2014 (finally)!

Before I headed out on my Railcar adventure, I did a couple of cool things.

First, I headed to Lodi CDJR to go car shopping.  I was disappointed to find out that Chrysler no longer has the "Plymouth" line.  I was hoping to purchase a new "Bell-vedere"..... I guess I'll have to settle for a KIA.

So then I decided to get some lunch at one of my favorite restaurants.... Taco Bell.

Jose told me it was some of the BEST authentic Mexican food in the city!  He told me to forget about the Taco Trucks, and skip Alebrieje's .. and go to the one place that has Mexican food just like mom would make!

So I tried the "Deluxe Cruncharito" which is a burrito, wrapped in a flour tortilla, and then deep fried in day-old french fry grease.

Can you say "Authentic"!




Next I wandered aimlessly into a Grape Vineyard, where I got hopelessly lost.

Initially I was thinking I would eventually be found and rescued by a vineyard worker.

But by the look of these grapes, I think they have already harvested this vineyard .. I'm not sure how I'm going to get out of here.

Fortunately I have a solar phone battery charger for my Blackberry, so I should be able to keep you all updated on my status.

More to come later!

Love ya!  Dingy

Life Is Good!

October 31st, 2011

Life is good!

Even though, I have not heard, word one, from my “El Jefe“, life parties on! ... Or at least, I do!

I am happy to report I have found the love of my life - At a recent party I was invited to, I was going through the fabulous food line when Bam! Out of the Blue! There she was… I felt this sudden attraction to this curvaceous, Q-Tip, Platinum Blond… I know what you are saying she is only attracted to me because after all there was an award to be handed out, later in the evening - and the reputation is that likes of these types is that they are only attracted to those going to award shows and award winners, however, I don’t care…Her long body, her soft head, she even has a love handle - wow!

As you can see I had quite the night… I was held up! “Duke Nukem” thought I might have “extra” change "dangling" from me, so he was dangling me by my bells to try to extort everything I might have… Notice the shinny gun - I actually asked him if I could handle his pistol later in the night… It was “big, hard and shinny“ Almost too much for me to handle!

I also had the opportunity to meet up with the Big Bad Wolf - Wolfy liked me but he kept trying to mark me as his territory all night long, if you know what I mean - “BAD DOG!”… could not wait to get away from him…

I thought I would throw in a few other pictures of me and my new “friend” enjoying the party. If you look at me with the award of the night, notice, the “Balls of Steel” award. - I would have won that but mine are made out of "brass", so I was disqualified on a technicality… That’s ok, I still went home with a gang bonger for a really good time… I won’t be showing any pictures of that though… or maybe I will??

Life is good!

Dingy in "Love"

When The Prez Is Away, The Bell Will Play

October 17th, 2011

Happy Rotary tidings to everyone!

As it is said, “in the face of adversity you find out who your true friends are…” -Bob Gross (not really, but he is old enough he could have said that)

El Jeffe goes on vacation and does not even think of asking me to ride along with his family on vacation. Well, I enjoy Legoland - Imagine... (cause that is what you will have to do!) my picture with the replica of my hero the cracked Philly Bell -or- imagine a picture of me at Disneyland with Minnie Mouse -or- just imagine a picture of me, "The best darn Lodi Sunrise Rotary Bell" nestled between the nurturing bosom of a Las Vegas Showgirl….

Thanks for asking, El Jeffe… oh that’s right, you only thought of yourself on this trip, I was not asked to go along!

So thank god for the fine Rotarians in our club who took it upon themselves to build good will and better friendships in my moment of despair to bring me out of darkness and let me “shine” at a regular Rotary meeting… What a treat! Good Times, Good Friends and so happy to be back at the Country Club!

I was also included in several Rotarian dinner parties, now I would love to show all the pictures but I am afraid that 1) there might have been “some” alcohol involved and 2) I might have "mixed it up" with a bottle of Bell Vineyards Cabernet, if you know what I mean and 3) I would implicate “guiltless” people and get them fined, which is that last thing I would want to do. Especially, since I was so happy, just to be included as a Rotarian, for once.

…So El Jeffe, you go about your daily life, thinking about yourself (normal), sitting in your favorite chair(that's right), eating your Cheetos(I can see your orange stained fingers now), playing your video games(get a life!)…. don’t feel bad about me, I am just fine, I have my friends at Rotary…

"The best darn Lodi Sunrise Rotary Bell!"

Slopping Suds At The Grape Festival

September 21st, 2011

I haven’t posted for a while… I am a little upset that my president, has not inquired about my whereabouts lately… so I am glad to hear that his “gong banger” is “missing in action” as well. - Serves him right! - Sound like a great “Gift Idea” for Christmas!

Secondly, I am really upset that El Jeffe did not put out the call for me to help at the Sunrise Rotary Beer Booth! Especially since A) El Jeffe was a Beer Booth “El Capitan” or if you rather El Jeffe of the Beer Booth and B) given my vast experience in “Ringing up Sales” I thought I would be invaluable. 

So, being the “Good Rotarian” that I am, I took it upon myself to help at the Beer Booth. Obviously, I picked a shift where there were Non-Rotarians working so I could supervise and share the good work ethic of best damn Rotary Club in Lodi.

 

Since we needed to call and have a keg tapped you can see me with the Bud Man.

Bud Man asked me if I wanted a job with Bud - he told me I could be the “Hood Ornament” of Shock Top - However, orange has never been my color, I am more a UCLA, Blue and Gold Bell…

As all our Rotarians can attest - we practice safe, responsible, drinking! Except for Chuck Higgs, who on occasion has too much “fun” to either care or know better - so I made sure everyone had a valid ID.

After my shift, I had to check out the competition and see what Coors “tasted” like. The lady was very nice and she gave me a “lemon slice” in my beer - at least I won’t have to worry about Scurvy for another year!

I did not have any wine but I met the “neighbors”. You know the saying “wine after beer makes you feel queer“… the ladies sure were nice and their smiles sure lighted up my bell.

For Phil’s’ sake I checked out the Rabo Bank booth and “spun the wheel” didn’t win anything but made a new “friend“. By the way, he could not believe how “heavy” I was and wanted to know the value of my “Brass” if you now what I mean.

After my shift - my feet were killing me, so as you can see, I needed to sit on the “vibrator“. Sure “tinkled my bells!“ If I could have sat there without my beer foaming over, it would have been the “highlight” of my Grape Festival experience.

All in all, I had a good time “slopping suds” at the Grape Festival… However, I have to say it was not as much fun as working at Cherokee Memorial Funeral Home - At least at the FUNeral home you know A) you always have a nice comfortable place to lay down when you get tired, and because of El Jeffe, B) there is always something to eat!

Until the next time!

Chica da Bell

Experiencing Where People Go "After The Bell Tolls"

August 19th, 2011

Today is Friday! TGIF!

All I hear from our esteemed, fearless, leader, Bradley Webb, alias, El Jefe - is how hard he works and that he never has any time for himself - So I thought I would, as the saying goes, “walk a day in the shoes of “El Jefe”. So go back in time with me to a couple of weeks ago, where I showed up for work at the modern, expansive, employer of El Jefe, Cherokee Memorial Funeral Home.

I was greeted by an elated staff - They were very happy to have a “shinny” new personality to dazzle them with “brilliance“ and they were eager to test my “mettle“ in the “business“. I too was impressed with their sparkling personalities and desire to help me get a better understanding into the life of our El Jefe. Let me just start by saying this…The employees of Cherokee Memorial Funeral Home, El Jefe, excluded, really try to put the “Fun” in FUNeral home!

The first picture shows my first task was to “test drive” the “Crash Cart” - this is the cart the bodies come in on. Notice the thick cushioned padding for comfort (?) and also notice - safety first - as my brass is strapped to the cart. 

Note: Why the padded cushions(?) Why the abundance of caution with safety here? If a body falls off the cart what is going to happen, is it going to die, again?

Then I was shown the Embalming Room and placed on the Embalming Table. (Boy that table was cold - I froze my brass off). I also have to tell you that tube was long, at first I didn’t think I could take the whole thing - It was quite the experience for all involved. - I was scared that it was going to hurt - then once I was able to relax, I found it quite enjoyable. - It may have even tinkled my bell a little.. If you know what I mean?

It was now lunchtime, Brad has everyone trained! - El Jefe is always hungry, so when it is time for lunch - everything “goes dead“, so to speak, so El Jefe can eat. I was feeling a little tired at this time so I took the opportunity to go into the “display room” and take a coffin for a test ride.

You can see me resting peacefully!

After a “heavenly” hour of sleep - the staff and I enjoyed a rousing round of “Hide and Seek“. Just like Tony Romo at his bachelor party, what a great way to have a little fun and kill a little time. Those “FUN”eral home people are a riot! Anyway, see if you can find me in the picture with the Urns… I laughed so hard that I almost cracked my bell, Philly style!

Once they found me and I was no longer, “it!”. - I went into the office of El Jefe. Or, as Brad calls it - the “Nerve Center” of the whole operation. Seriously, if it was an operation, it would die of “staff infection” it is so messy! - However, notice that our fearless leader does have the Rotary plaque prominently displayed for all to see - Good for you, El Jefe!

In my last picture, you can see me dressed, like our leader, sitting in El Jefe’s executive chair, barking out commands from his “Nerve Center“… Blah blah, “I am hungry!”. Blah blah, “I never have any time for myself!” Blah blah blah, “I wish I could just stay home - sit in my underwear, eat cheetos and play Goldeneye all day long!” I can hear El Jefes’ voice “ringing” in my ears, even now, as I write this.

…There you go - a day in the Rotary life of El Jefe, alias Bradley Webb!

Accurately reported by Chica da Bell